Don’t fall into the trap of always using your favourite behaviour type in negotiations – it is important to select the right negotiating style for the right occasion. This includes situations where your decision is to “compromise”, which is the desired style in the book “Getting to Yes” by Roger Fisher and William Ury.
Even here you can use a variety of styles to achieve your outcome. You can use “push” behaviours such as stating expectations or using incentives and pressures. You can use “Pull” behaviours such as listening, exploring and focusing on common ground. You can use “join” behaviours such as visualising and describing positive outcomes for both parties. Or you can use “parting” behaviours such as “recessing” and “adjourning”.
All of these behaviours have their place in a strategy of compromise. Different styles suit different stages of the negotiation. (Generally “push” is more useful later in the deal and “pull” is more useful earlier on). Equally different styles can suit different people you are dealing with. No use relying on a “push” behaviour like “proposing with reasons” for example, if the person on the other side leads with their heart rather than their head. So, even if your chosen style is “compromise” there is more than one behavioural style you can use to achieve it…
Written in response to this article (insidearm.com)
Interesting. I’ve found that it’s often a bit hard for me to “push” because of the desire to be nice. It’s something I struggle with, in life as in negotiation. I agree that generally, “pull” behavior is more effective at the outset because it builds trust and empathy, and it’s a way to gain much-needed information and clarification about what each party wants. When I had that solid foundation, even the occasional shouting match (classic “push” behavior?) felt fairly safe because I knew we were working with, not against, each other. It even felt fun, though it would have been seriously not fun if anyone had gotten emotionally or physically violent.
Yes some people do find “push” more difficult. You are right that it may seem easier if earlier stages of a negotiation have been well carried out so that there is already some rapport.
Try and “push” in relation to low stakes issues first or in non-pressure situations so you can experiment without feeling anxious. Or make sure you have someone alongside you who can push on your behalf when you are negotiating….
Clive