The personal negotiations we face in our daily lives can become a source of stress and anxiety. Whether making a deal for a house sale or vying for that salary raise, the process can overwhelm you – but does it have to? Jordan Milne and Martin Bjergegaard, Co-Authors of The International Bestseller Winning Without Losing ( share how strategies in their new book can be carried through to negotiation in both business and your personal life to help you win on all levels while enjoying the ride. These tips help you to maximise winning results without losing out in other areas of your life:

  1. Focus on the wildly important: It is easy to fall victim to spending countless hours negotiating something that ultimately ends up being insignificant or trivial to us – either because we get engaged (by others), want to be ‘’right’’ or believe it to be important at the time. One of the secrets to having a balanced life and approach to negotiation is knowing yourself well enough to determine what is truly important to you (the wildly important)- and saving your energy to ‘’fight’’ for those. Being selective in what you take on opens up your schedule for what is truly necessary. Once you establish that something is indeed worth negotiating, focus on the wildly important once again – the few key things that really matter within that negotiation itself.
  2. Get your timing right: In business as in life, timing is everything. The same holds true for negotiation – choosing when to engage can make all the difference. Before entering into an important negotiation, consider and evaluate the best time on 3 levels: for yourself, for your ‘’opponent’’ and the macro-climate. For yourself and your ‘’opponent’’ try to determine the time when you both will be focused and receptive. After all, we humans are emotional creatures – even small feelings have profound impacts when doing big deals. Evaluating the macro-climate is also about determining when it will be the most receptive and work in your favour. For example, tapping into financial trends, e.g. a dip in the economy is likely not the best time to ask for a raise.
  3. Get to your personal best: the first thing to do before you enter into a negotiation is to prepare yourself to feel your own personal best. Whether it is your morning ritual run or bowl of cocoa puffs, getting to your best can put you in a calmer, sharper, more peaceful place and make you more alert to the intricacies of the situation. This personalised approach will not only set you up for success, it will keep you balanced and on your game during the negotiation sessions.
  4. Listen: in a negotiation we invest so much thought into our own strategy and are so eager to have our side heard that instead of actually listening we are simply waiting to speak. This often results in falling deaf to what the other side is actually saying. Conscious listening leads to true understanding, empathy and ultimately a preferred outcome. Even during tough negotiations, a true understanding of your opponent often translates into less ego, anger and a faster route to a more desirable result for both parties.
  5. Interact with the energy of others: Everyone has their own energy levels and passions. Being in touch with your ‘’opponent’s’’ can make the process easier as well as more effective. Seeking common ground and joining in with others’ passions will give you less areas of conflict and more collaboration. With this strategy you will soon find you have more partners than adversaries.
  6. Look for the good things: Research confirms that people do what we expect of them. Entering with resentment leads to a worse conclusion. We waste energy and carry it with us into the rest of our lives when we think negative thoughts. However, entering a negotiation with an open mind and positive attitude is not only more peaceful and energising but very often leads to better results. The party you are negotiating with will pick up on your cues and will respond accordingly. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy.
  7. Reinvent the meeting: We have this strange habit of discussing important things sitting down. Most meetings play out with us sitting lifelessly around a table. Our brains think better when our body is in motion. In reality, our walking, running or cycling meetings have been proven to release endorphins, which put us in a better mood. When possible, the next time you are meeting a realtor or a boss for a negotiation take it on the move– go for a walk. You will both be in a better mood – and get a burst of exercise

Winning without Losing
Jordan Milne and Martin Bjergegaard are the Co-Authors of Winning Without Losing. Together they searched the globe to learn the secrets of role models who had built hugely successful companies while also living happy and balanced lives. Their book has started a new movement and is changing the way people all over the world think about business and life. In 2013 it will be published in 30+ countries and 10+ languages. Available now from Amazon books.

Searching for more? Join them at